For those who know me personally, they would know I graduated from the same university as Dr Polge. We were both from the same graduating year and we even had 10 weeks together in our last placement as medical students.
When I first heard the news in February, I couldn’t believe it. And a huge part of me still can’t believe she is gone. A girl with one of the biggest smile, energy and passion as a doctor, gone. I don’t know what happened to her since she left med school. But thinking about her and the small amount of time I spent with her, she doesn’t seem to be the giving up type.
I’m angry. Deep down inside, I’m really really angry. But I burying this anger for the past 2 months. I was working, I’m surrounded by caring doctors and nurses doing our best everyday to keep patients alive, well and comfortable. Doing our best to save lives. I don’t have time to mourn.
Maybe that’s the issue. Doctors don’t have time to mourn. People expect doctors to be happy, efficient, intelligent, caring and most of all, decisive at all times. And when I say people I mean EVERYBODY; patients, relatives, nurses, healthcare assistants, fellow doctors, security and porters. Honestly, I don’t mind if I’m at work and I’m expected of everything a doctor should be. But outside of the walls of hospital, people still attach the same expectations of a doctor to you. This is why I’m hesitant to ever say “I’m a doctor” outside the hospital. Not because of medical legal issues but because I would have to wear the same mask again OUTSIDE of work.
My father once told me,
“Being a doctor is noble profession, that is very traditional and hierarchical. It has its own culture and it’s not easy”
Dad, I understand what you mean now. Thank goodness my personality was well suited to be a doctor but even I can get tired and exhausted of the constant pressure.
I still wonder what happened to her. I wonder what kind of environment that she has been working in to lead to such a terrible incident. But yet, because I’m doing the same occupation, I CAN imagine the terrible environment she must have been in. The environment design to break even the kindest human beings.
RIP Dr Polge.
And as always, picture to enjoy (yes, singular picture). Windy Day, Bird on a tree.