Day 105 – I remember why I chose not to be a photographer

As many of my friends know, I used to do photography a lot. Like seriously, I nearly quit medical school to pursue that career path. I carried my camera every day and I absolutely love capturing moments and tell stories through a lens.

But I was also in medical school, I tried doing both, and I failed an exam. Then I was faced with a reality choice, focus on medical school or continue as you are and risk disaster (kicked out of med school for doing poorly in exams).

I actually look up and did some online research on photography as careers. Obviously there are some super successful ones. But most people are average. It is a cut-throat competitive business. And at that time with smartphones was on the rise and DSLR being super popular (this was 2010-11), that path is gonna be so much harder.

I made a conscious decision to ‘retire’ from photography. I put my shutter-bug in a box and kept it hidden from sight. I focused on the difficulty of photography rather than the joy of it. And eventually, I stopped thinking about it.

I’ve been trying to make a come back since I graduated from Medical School. Obviously it is not the same as I remember but everyday, I’m putting some work into it.

In the past week, I’ve been given the pleasure and curse of being the hirer of a wedding photographer. I’ve contacted numerous photographers for availability and quotes. Discussed potential problems and backup systems. Discussed services. And look at a lot of images whilst keeping a detailed opinion notes about each photographer style. Some were obviously not suitable. Some were way too expensive. Some were way too cheap. Some had styles that I knew we wouldn’t like. Like many things in life, it came down to two choices. Reviewed my notes, re-looked at the images, looked at the prices and services. Make a decision.

It is almost like looking at myself in a different universe. A universe where I chose a different passion. And I can kinda see myself, being the photographer rejected. Being passionate but it doesn’t pay back. Even though I was doing the rejecting, but somehow I feel the emotional pain.

I’m still confident with my choice and I don’t think I made the wrong choice, but the emailed I received….god, it planted some seeds of doubt about my choice. But at the same time it made me really happy AND sad about my retirement from photography.

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Day 104 – Pizza

Tuesdays are Two for One Domino Offer Days. Bought pizza for myself as lunch, dinner and tomorrow’s lunch.

A very emotional day for me. Woke up feeling lost, I’m so not used to sleeping and waking up alone. Finalising on some details about the wedding. Emails emails and emails.

Work was tiring. As always.

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