Day 36 – In the eye of my dear dear

Quite literally, my reversed lens pointing into her eye.

Today I was quite stressed about studying. My dearest supported me so well. What would I do without her.

Its been a bit of a strange last few nights. We’re both very motivated to improve our lives but we’re struggling to find the energy and motivation to do what is necessary.

A bit of a rut together.


D7000, ISO1600, 1/60, f/11, reversed lens

Misery in Medical World

Inspired by a TedMed video showing the talk by Pamela Wible plus the recent news about Dr Rose Polge from Devon. For those who haven’t heard, here’s the link.

For those who know me personally, they would know I graduated from the same university as Dr Polge. We were both from the same graduating year and we even had 10 weeks together in our last placement as medical students.

When I first heard the news in February, I couldn’t believe it. And a huge part of me still can’t believe she is gone. A girl with one of the biggest smile, energy and passion as a doctor, gone. I don’t know what happened to her since she left med school. But thinking about her and the small amount of time I spent with her, she doesn’t seem to be the giving up type.


I’m angry. Deep down inside, I’m really really angry. But I burying this anger for the past 2 months. I was working, I’m surrounded by caring doctors and nurses doing our best everyday to keep patients alive, well and comfortable. Doing our best to save lives. I don’t have time to mourn.

Maybe that’s the issue. Doctors don’t have time to mourn. People expect doctors to be happy, efficient, intelligent, caring and most of all, decisive at all times. And when I say people I mean EVERYBODY; patients, relatives, nurses, healthcare assistants, fellow doctors, security and porters. Honestly, I don’t mind if I’m at work and I’m expected of everything a doctor should be. But outside of the walls of hospital, people still attach the same expectations of a doctor to you. This is why I’m hesitant to ever say “I’m a doctor” outside the hospital. Not because of medical legal issues but because I would have to wear the same mask again OUTSIDE of work.

My father once told me,

“Being a doctor is noble profession, that is very traditional and hierarchical. It has its own culture and it’s not easy”

Dad, I understand what you mean now. Thank goodness my personality was well suited to be a doctor but even I can get tired and exhausted of the constant pressure.

I still wonder what happened to her. I wonder what kind of environment that she has been working in to lead to such a terrible incident. But yet, because I’m doing the same occupation, I CAN imagine the terrible environment she must have been in. The environment design to break even the kindest human beings.

RIP Dr Polge.

And as always, picture to enjoy (yes, singular picture). Windy Day, Bird on a tree.


Blast from the Past

Earlier this week something interesting happened. I was just returning from a run when my eyes caught 2 people sitting in one car just outside my apartment building. Person number 1, Mr Y a fellow Foundation Doctor whom I already know.

Person number 2:-

  1. God he looks so damn familiar.
  2. He looks a lot like Mr J from college in Malaysia.

Instead of rushing over the car and checking if he is who I think he is (like a crazy person I might add), I chose to “Nah…. it can’t be him, I’m in UK, what are the odds.”

Went back to my room, got changed to go for grocery shopping, and I was called as I was leaving the building.

“Tay !” (Yes that’s what people call me in real life)

It wasn’t Person Number 2 called me. It was Mr Y. But the one rushing forward was Person Number 2.

“Mr J ??!!” I responded.

A smile broke on his face. Huge relief it seems that I recognised him. Probably he thought the same thing and that he might mistaken me for someone else. Which would be embarrassing the fact that Mr Y got involved too.

Then the usual, conversation whenever you meet somebody that you haven’t met in a long time or wasn’t expecting to meet began. It was kinda nice. Had to explain my college story and major events that made me so memorable (more like my flat mates who made it unforgettable) to Mr Y and my other friend who was going for groceries too. 4 people, standing in the cold, outside of an apartment building, in the middle of an evening, having a chat.

It turned out, Mr J is a graduate from Cardiff University and friends with Mr Y. And by sheer luck, he visited Mr Y and I came back from a run at the same time. Two unlikely event coming together making it an even more unlikely event (Yes, I don’t run often enough).

After a short conversation and goodbyes, both parties got on with the day.

Truth to be told, I was glad I was approached. There was a good chance that it wouldn’t have happened and there would be no story to be told. Mr J made me very nostalgic that day. The good kind.

I got a text later that day which read,

“haha already friends on Facebook! cu around then.” Mr J in Facebook Messenger.

I guess he was happy that we met too.

Thanks, Mr J. And I’m sorry I didn’t approach your car like a crazy person but would have made the story more awesome.

And as always, pictures from Llanishen Reservoir that day.




Clearing Old Clutter

“Getting Things Done”by David Allen

This was a book that was recommended by CGP Grey (A Youtuber. If you don’t know his stuff, I highly recommend watching ALL of his videos). I listened to the audiobook version about 3 years ago and until today, I still think of its lessons and principles.It truly changed the way I handled things and helped me sorted my life out.

Re-looking at my blog after working made me think:

“God, I’m a terrible terrible blogger.”

But yet, I find myself still having the desire to blog and start afresh multiple times in the past year. So many things has been happening, so many lessons to share. Some things are appropriate, something are not appropriate. After all, I’m a doctor now, and everyday I face mostly small but occasionally big ethical issues. Being at the edge of human lives does change the way I run my life.

All that aside. I’ve moved all my old blogpost to a separate domain and I will link them in the near future on a separate page. I have to say, I was and probably still am a terrible writer/blogger.

All that aside (again). Here’s to a new beginning (clink !). And as always, pictures to follow. This one is from my dearest and myself visiting the Pontsticill Reservoir (it has a Welsh name).

For those who don’t know, I am the lucky guy who is good with a camera. =D

Until next time.